you looked at people and wondered.

If they’re in love at the moment, whether they’re hurting deep down in the heart where everything’s left unseen. You wondered if you’re just normal and that you experienced just the same thing as them. But, what is so normal if it is all what makes us human?

How many words are left unsaid at the tip of your tongue? How hurt it is to you when you hold your tears back while biting hard inside your lips that’s slowly getting swollen? But, you go on acting okay being indifferent. When at night you cried yourself into dreams you never want to feel anymore.

On your quietest day you lay yourself on the floor. Feeling numb but also like crying out your lungs. You wanted to disappear into the thinnest layer of air and be nowhere to be found — you always are. You’re tired of living at the slightest inconvenience but you forget about the traumas you carried all along and kept hidden.

You forget about them while they’re eating you whole in silence.

You’re busy for weeks and you said to yourself you’re finally fine again and all the sadness matters no more. You’re healthy and just had one excellent dinner. You stood before the mirror convincing your very own self that you are now better. When just a second later tears stream down both your cheeks down.

So you crawl back to your worst nightmares, waking up sinking to the lake of bitter sweat and tears. You wished you wouldn’t but once again you ignored the heart’s aching in you, along with the invalidated feelings you said “not a big deal though.”

At the end of the week you’re alone in your living room. Recalling back the memories of people you met while your heart wondered. You won’t ever latch onto them. You wondered. How could those people handle the inexplicable feelings inside them because you have always been so close having them exploding. How could they hold it tight unseen, unsaid when you’re always feeling like one to understand.

Your heart wondered how they even dealt with all the misunderstanding when you’re always trying to be one that’s easy for people.

And once again you forgot about your very own self for the sake of them.